Things to talk about before marraige

The time of courtship is not the time for feeling of pecking and kissing. it is a serious matter. it is a time to talk and get it straight away. it is expected of your courtship to prepare you for marriage, but, nowadays, reverse is the case, the activities in courtship can never secure happy marriage life.There are lot of things to know and understand, and how can you know and understand if you don't talk.

*Different Pictures of Courtships*
1. Mute courtships: these are the set of people that don't talk freely in there courtship, whereby, fiancé is acting in a strange manner to his fiancée and vice versa. It is not that they are deaf dump but they are not close in heart. The major cause of this is ignorance. Sometimes, Christian brothers and sisters practice this kind of courtship in the name of spirituality. Also, some people will not want to offend their partners may be because of position, age difference or wealth, and as a result of that they will be mute throughout their courtship life.

2. Talkative courtships: These are the set of people that talk in their courtship but without sense. They never talk right things. They are inclined in excessive talking, that is, always ready to talk even at length but you cannot hold any point. They talk freely about unimportant things in a friendly way. This kind of courtship is usually full of gossip and malice.

3. Flippant courtships: these are the set of people that joke too much in their courtship. They take things for granted and turn everything to child play. They are never serious with each other. Serious matters are not common in their discussion. They thought inappropriately and laugh on things that doesn't worth it. They are too playful, frolicsome, perky, lighthearted, giddy, frivolous and silly in nature. Their talks lack intellectual substance and things not worth serious consideration. Full of trivial discussions.

4. Flamboyant courtships: These are the set of people that believe everything is fun. They never talk to plan, they talk to spend. Too extravagant. They are full of eatry, clubbing, film house etc. They can never sit down at the round table to talk about progress in their courtship, but the next party to attend.

5. Constructive courtship: these are the set of people that construct their marital future with the content of their discussions. They are full of talks that are carefully considered and meant to be helpful to their marriage in the nearest future. Their talks, jokes, and fun are building them up for glorious marriage. They are polite and moderate in every sense of life.
Well-mannered, socially superior to ordinary people and considered refined or cultured. They talk with grace, courtesy, love and have respect for each other. Maturity is written all over them.

*Keys that can help you to talk constructively*
1. Interview: Always try to ask questions and make enquiry of what that looks ambiguous to you

2. Assessment: Always look back and see if what you have discussed is able to give you glorious home.
Have you dealt with all issues that ought to be dealt with? Never go into the marriage if you are not sure.

Have you talked about:
1. background
2. Do's and dont's
3. Weaknesses: e.g. snoring, eating habit e.t.c
4. Formal education: to what level?
5. Verbal skills: how does he/she talks

6. Expected roles of both individuals in the marriage: His roles as husband and father and her roles as wife mother of your children

7. Love and respect: to what extent does she respect or submit to you as her husband, and to what extent does he loves you as his wife.

8. Number of children
9. type of family planning
10. Gap between children
11. Child rearing view
12. Mental, social, psychological, spiritual, philosophy of life

13. Ways of dealing with issues
14. Talk about smoking, drinking, alcohol and coming home late

15. Night journey
16. involvement of in- laws and parental influence

17. Sense of humour: are you a person that doesn't laugh or joke, just study and pray every minute? talk about it now

18. Punctuality
19. Dependability: to what extent can you depend on him/her? some men will say," she depend on me for everything, she doesn't have goals or visions" talk about it now

20. Verbal intimacy: freedom of expressing feelings

21. Home conflict and management
22 Anger management: some spouse will say" whenever I'm in rage or angry, the only person that can calm me down is my mother or someone else" some will say " leave me for sometime and I will get over it" Talk about it

23. Fear and anxiety
24. Friendship with opposite sex: don't hand shake or hug any other man when I'm around etc talk about now

25. Family friends: who and who do you want as family friends? what caliber of people?

26. Personal friends
27. Level of ambition
28. personal goals and achievements
29. corporate life goals and achievements

30. Attitude towards weight: many ladies are slim before marriage but fat after marriage. if you are a type that likes slim lady, look at her mother if she has, because, she's likely to look like her mother later in life. For men , spot belly etc. Talk about it now..

31.Religion belief and spiritual preference
32. Church denomination: is it her church you will be attending after wedding or his?

33. church involvement
34. hobbies and interests
35. songs and music
36. Values and goals
37. self control: does he have problem with women?

38. Past life
39.Amount of income to spend and save
40. House wife or career woman
41. Type of account
42. What percentage should be allocated to cloths, vacations, given away and to whom?

43. Means and risk of investment
44. Attitude about cleanliness

45. Location: where to settle, geographical, commercial, spiritual, and social area to live

46. Order of priority: house before car or vice- versa

47. Size and style of house: bungalow, upstairs, flat, duplex, fenced or open house. Talk about it now!

48. Ways of handling sickness: are you the type that if somebody vomit around you or see blood, you will run away?

49. Means of getting treatment: is it private hospital, or teaching hospital, or tradomedical center?

50. Payment of school fees
51. Children's schooling: private and public

52. Health standard: are you the type that uses the drug or faith? Talk about it

53. Interpersonal and social skills: does your spouse have cacus, caliber, or levels? Does he/she have pride or look down on people?

54. Stinginess
55. House helpers: maid, Gardner, gateman, driver, dry cleaner, house cleaner etc

56. Nature of food: only African food or continental or mixed

57. Mode of sleeping: together or separately

58. Mattress: water bed, mat etc

59. Sexual intimacy
60. sexual intercourse during pregnancy

61. types of furniture and interior decorations

62. Jewelries
63. types of cloth to be wearing

64. Day or days of fasting in a week

65. Amount and type of travel prefer: is it every vacation or yuletide period? is it by flight, land etc

66. Time to be spent together: some couples live away from each other throughout their lives, as a result of job etc

67. When to go to bed and when to wake up

68. Time for family alter

69. Test on genotype, HIV/AIDS, blood group etc

70. Intelligent decision
71. Nature of hair do: plaiting, weaving, curling, wig etc

72. Make up: use of earring, lipstick, cosmetics pedicure etc

73. Temperament

So many young people are making excuses for their shortcomings in courtship, that, they don't know what to talk about. And, as a result of that, the only thing that is available to do is sex, which can damage their marital pursuit. All we have mentioned above are not a day talk; neither a month nor a year talk. They are something you can talk and talk until your mind is clear.

So many marriages are having problems today because they fail to talk the right thing while in courtship. They substitute their talking period for sex and other related acts.

FEWER PROBLEMS YOU WILL HAVE IN MARRIAGE IF YOU HAVE QUALITY TALKING IN COURTSHIP.

IT IS NOT TIME FOR MARRIAGE until you are satisfied with every talking, until your eyes can see clearly the bottom of the water, until you have guarantee of your second life ( marriage).
You can save yourself from fruitless race in marriage now that you are not bonded with marital vows. You don't have to join the queue of failing marriages.
Marriage is sweet and marriage is bitter base on your own experience and content of your discussion while in courtship. May we enjoy our marriage

FAMOUS BLOGGER LINDA IKEJI SETS TO MARRY

According to Radar reports, Linda and her husband to be have been engaged since last year, and are set to become official this year.

“She has been keeping her relationship with the guy at a low key. He proposed last year and they are expected to get married this year but not sure when the wedding ceremony will be taking place. Not really sure if it is at the mansion she built for her father in the village.
Heard the guy is one of those silent money type who is into real estate. They have been meeting at his place for a while.
The website further added that Linda may be selling her recently-purchased Banana Island mansion. She is “selling the estate and planning to re-invest the money. Miss Ikeji is yet to respond to requests for confirmation of the report.

TEN THINGS TO TELL IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER

Despite divorce being so common, many couples are caught off guard when it actually happens to them. They believe that if they just begin to love one another again, everything will turn out fine. This myth, however, lulls them into missing the warning signs that suggest that their marriage in trouble.

 

Here are 10 ways to tell if your marriage is over:

1. Sex is consistently boring and mechanical. A satisfying sex life is vital to health and well being. A long-term frustration of this basic human need can signal the end of a marriage.

2. There are many problems and only a few solutions. The inability to compromise and find workable solutions to common relationship issues turns partners into bitter adversaries.

3. Character assassination happens in your marriage. Name-calling, insults, belittling put-downs, and personal attacks aimed at embarrassing and hurting a spouse are a sure path to divorce.

                                                                              

 

4.You're angry all the time. Accumulated anger kills love. If you and your spouse don't know how to handle anger and it piles up like a mountain in your relationship, divorce is inevitable

 

5. There is selfishness within your marriage. Marriage is a give and take relationship and it's about making your partner's needs a top priority. Self-centered husbands or wives have partners who feel ignored and neglected will eventually want out at all costs.

 

6. One or both of you always needs to be right. When your partner's always right and you're always wrong, it feels suffocating. When you do not have a voice that's heard and respected, marriage turns into a dictatorship. Divorce provides you that irresistible freedom that you do not receive from your spouse.

7. It's not in the kiss anymore. When you would rather have sex than passionately kiss, your marriage is in deep trouble.

 8. One of you cheats. With a lot of professional help, most marriages can survive when a partner cheats once. Repeated affairs cause so much pain that divorce is usually a relief.

9. The conversations are over. The best way to have a happy marriage is to talk your way through it. This means sharing thoughts and feelings so that you're emotionally in sync. Without this bond, marriage is an empty and lonely place that partners want to leave.

10. There is too little or too much money. When both partners need to work and one earns significantly more than the other, especially if it's the wife, control issues can sabotage the marriage. However too much extra cash, when partners are not careful, can fuel a party on lifestyle that invites temptations that cause damage to a marriage, as well as the lasting values that remind us of what's really important in life.

THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTERS

This was posted on my Facebook page and I want you readers to learn from this because this can help you cherish what you have. Some people don’t appreciate what they have until they lose it that is when they know the importance of that thing.

 

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

 

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

 

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

 

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

 

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

 

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

 

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

 

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce –At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband…"

 

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage